Horribleness

Stims, day 2, and I have become a monster. Volatile, emotional, full of anger and self-righteousness and then immediately shame. I cry in the shower, hating myself. I slink out of the apartment to the library where I can hide in my carrel and no one can see me and therefore no one can find out how wretched I truly am.

I cannot tell how much of a role the hormones are playing in this mental drama. I know they are playing *a* role. But I've certainly been horrible before, and not when doing IVF. It's possible that the hormones only thin the filter between my horrible self and its expression.