Regatta

A report from my first ever regatta party as a pregnant person, with apologies to the Harper's Index:

Number of people who said "And is this your husband?" in reference to my friend Alex, who is handsome and Italian and decidedly not my husband: 2

Number of dudes I have never seen before who said "Hey Guac" and smirked on their way to the men's room: 1

Number of Canadian regatta skanks trying hard to pick up my very shy, somewhat elderly skipper: 1

Number of baby sweatshirts purchased by me at the swag table: 1

Imagined conversations taking place 17 years from today, when Succotash excitedly tells me he's invited to do foredeck on a boat doing this cool regatta, have I ever heard of it, and I smugly inform him that he's done that regatta already, and in fact I was helming on the delivery in 30 knots of wind and he didn't even help: one thousand