Cover Song

To the tune of "The Sweater Song" by Weezer

First monologue:

Oh hi there. Welcome. Here are some forms for you til fill out. How long you been trying? What? Five years? Oh. Well. The doctor will try to see you soon. Within three months, no longer.

chorus:
If you want to have a baby
That's too bad, cause you're way too old
It serves you right, you're too damn successful
Lying on the floor
Lying on the floor, your period's come!

So we need you to sign this release saying that nothing that happens to you is our fault. Also are you aware that each cycle costs fifteen thousand dollars? Good thing you put so much effort into your career, huh? Oh I know. Great. The doctor will see you now.

(chorus)

So I've looked at your chart, and I can confidently say you have at least a 20%... make that a 10%... make that a 5% chance of success. But won't it be worth it? Your life will finally have meaning. Now slide your butt down here and spread your legs and let's have another look.

Last chorus:
Wait, you wanted to have a baby?
Well that's too bad, you're too fucking old.
You should've worked less,
Been less ambitious.
Lying on the floor, Lying on the floor, your time is done!

Outro:
Have you tried supplements? What about melatonin? What about pineapple juice? What about yoga? You should try acupuncture, you SHOULD GO ON VACATION. MAYBE THIS WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING IF YOU COULD JUST FUCKING RELAX!