Waiting

What I have done:

Opened the monthlong backlog of mail
Paid the various medical bills
Filed the medical bills
Filed the tax stuff for later
Discovered I made even less money last year than I thought
Worried if this means my career is over
Reminded myself that I'll get the manuscript notes any day now, and then I'll be expected to, like, work on them
Worried that the book will tank and then my career will be over
Watched half of Apollo 13
Remembered I hate space
Reflected that it's pretty cool that of all cities on the planet, the name of my home city was the first word spoken from the moon
Wondered why people get excited about stuff like that
Flipped through the monthlong backlog of New Yorkers, accepted that I will not read them, and recycled them
Eyed the Vogue and wondered why I subscribed to that in the first place
Wished for a bathtub in the apartment, because then I could read the Vogue
Wondered if we'll have to turn the den back into a second bedroom if this process works
Wondered how I can pay for turning the den into a second bedroom if my career is over
Walked the dog
Cleaned up dog poop on the street
Thought about how much Poland is pissing me off these days
Wished I didn't have to redo my website before the new book comes out
Wished my career was over
Wondered if I'll get either one of those writing jobs
Wondered if I actually want either of those writing jobs
Wondered if I'll ever have a good book idea again
Gone downtown to meet my sister in law in a bar in the West Village so she can inject me with progesterone in the bathroom, thereby checking off a longstanding 1990s bucket list item of "Shoot up in a West Village bar bathroom" but not in the way I would have guessed in the 1990s
Reflected that I am yet another example of how New York has lost its edge