Good Morning Smiley Face

Hello LH surge! I call the office.

The Coordinator of Scraping answers. On Friday I am to come in for blood. "Make sure you eat and drink beforehand. It's a lot of blood."

Check.

They will collect six gallons of blood and also test my hormones to make sure (stupid woman) I actually had an LH surge and didn't hallucinate the digital smiley face, and they will also check my other hormones and see if I have spontaneously developed chlamydia or gonorrhea since last February, which - one hopes - I have not.

Then on Saturday I will meet my friend's new baby, and on Sunday I'll have a bunch of women over for a clothing swap, and on Monday I will lie on the floor in a panic, and on Tuesday at the crack of dawn I will go in and see the Minister of Scraping. But they'll give me a urine pregnancy test first.

Then I will experience "30-45 seconds of discomfort" which will cause bleeding, but not to worry, I can just take a liner or pad from the office and go straight back to work.

If by "straight back to work" they mean "back to the apartment where I will take prescription pain killers provided to me on the QT by my sister in law from her knee surgery and finish rewatching all of Deadwood," then yes, I will go straight back to work.

And then, we wait.

I'm like Bruce Willis before the boxing match in Pulp Fiction, huffing and puffing and jogging around and hitting myself on the head with my gloves, getting psyched up.

Three weeks out, Succotash. You psyching up?