Quiet Day

Each day wears into the next, and it can sometimes feel like no time is going by, until I try to put you into the 12 month leggings and your chubby ankles stick out. I am wondering how to help you learn how to sleep alone. It's puzzling. Yesterday your father and I discussed the fact that it's possible that there is no optimal thing. That is, you had a fussy nap, and I tried putting you in your bassinet, and made it ten minutes before picking you up, and eventually you feel asleep on me as usual, and I felt certain that whatever I had done was the wrong thing, or the suboptimal thing, viz a viz helping you learn to sleep alone, or get good sleep, or whatever it is I am supposed to be doing to support your development. And it would be nice if you could nap alone, as then I could do my job, for which I will then be paid, in theory. But that means it would be more convenient *for me,* if you would sleep alone. But is it optimal for you? Maybe you, as an individual person who is also only seven months and a bit old, are at a point where, from an emotional and developmental standpoint, the optimal thing is to nap at my breast, feeling warm and safe and held and like you know exactly where I am if you need me.

I am, at this juncture, attempting to put what is optimal for you ahead of what might be optimal for me. I think that's my job. Not in a martyr sort of way, only that I've had a lot of time to be the optimal driving force in my life, and you are only a baby for a short time, and babies really can't help themselves very much. And anyway. Someday, probably sooner than I realize, you will find it embarrassing to be hugged by me. Maybe I should worry less about this, and just enjoy it.