Seriously?

Seriously, imaginary baby? You mean to tell me that Sarah Jessica Parker is 37 in this season of Sex and the City? The short one, where they shoot around her being pregnant?

Well that's just great. Just fucking terrific.

For one thing, I have no idea if I look as old as she does in this season. Not that she looks bad. I mean. Does she? She looks like she's had some lip work. At least.

One thing you should know about us, imaginary baby, is that we are not a plastic surgery family. Whatever nose you draw is the nose you draw, and you just have to grow some character to go with it, okay?

Also, I should mention that I, at this very moment, am 37. Oh yes. For another three weeks I am. Threeeeeee whole weeks. And then I get a whole fistful of 38, right in the face.

At least in this episode Carrie has a giant hormone zit as a plot point. Speaking as someone with at least three on her very own face right this moment. To tell you the truth, I still feel kind of duped that there was never a window of lifetime of perfect skin. The pimples aren't as bad as when I was a teenager, but they do bubble up now and again, like middle aged lava. And I'm starting to see the faint hints of where the WASP mouth-pursing lines are going to etch.

Sarah Jessica Parker has three kids, I just learned from the internet. The one she had at 37 - which will soon be younger than me, as you've probably gathered - and then twins that she had via surrogate at 44.

Yeah.

Your would-be father and I were talking about surrogacy last night, because one of the many things that has stopped me in this long, winding slog towards considering you is - now, this is going to sound really selfish - I have always hated the idea of being pregnant. I mean, sure, Sarah Jessica Parker looks cute in those pictures on the internet. Cindy Crawford. Natalie Portman. You can get your body back, I guess. If you're rich and have a trainer. And it's not like my body is so marvelous I can bear to sully it. It's just.... I like it okay. That's it. And the idea of having a live animal growing inside me grosses me out.

No offense.

But surrogacy when you don't have a medical reason seems so... it just seems kind of.... wrong.

Exploitative and wrong.

I'm due one week from today. And this is your last shot while I'm still 37. So you'd better get your act together if you want to slip in under the wire.